Of course, for many people, it is just the very hard and awkward thing to do: to share with a partner the concern about a talk when even talking about sex in general is difficult. It may make someone feel shame, anxious, or simply be too uncomfortable—a reason to avoid talking about that topic. But in any kind of healthy relationship, communication is most crucial while dealing with issues related to sexual intimacy. Here are five things which you can do if you are very awkward talking about sex with your partner, in order to bear with the awkwardness and still manage to have a productive conversation.
1. Acknowledge and validate your feelings
The first step in addressing any issue is to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It’s completely normal to feel awkward or uncomfortable when discussing sex, especially if you were raised in an environment where it was a taboo topic. These feelings are not a reflection of weakness, but rather a natural response to a sensitive subject.
To acknowledge and validate your feelings, start by setting aside time to reflect on why you feel awkward discussing sex. Are there specific aspects of the conversation that make you uncomfortable? Have past experiences influenced your present feelings? By identifying the root causes of your discomfort, you can begin to work through them and develop strategies for overcoming them.
It’s also important to remind yourself that these feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel this way. By accepting your feelings, you can prevent them from snowballing into anxiety or fear, and instead approach the conversation with a sense of openness and curiosity.
2. Educate yourself
One of the reasons why talking about sex can be uncomfortable is due to a lack of knowledge or understanding. This may be especially true if you and your partner have different levels of sexual experience or come from different backgrounds. Take some time to educate yourself about sexual health, consent, and communication.
Start by reading books, articles, and other resources on sexual health and relationships. This can help you feel more confident and informed when discussing sex with your partner. Additionally, consider taking a sexual education class, either online or in-person. These classes can provide a safe and supportive environment to learn about sexual health, and may even offer opportunities to practice communication skills with other students.
When it comes to education, it’s important to remember that knowledge is power. By arming yourself with information, you can approach conversations about sex with a sense of confidence and clarity. This confidence can help alleviate feelings of awkwardness and allow you to communicate effectively with your partner.
3. Set the right time and place
Bringing up the topic of sex can be easier if it’s done in the right time and place. Avoid having this conversation in public or during a heated argument. Instead, choose a time when you and your partner are both relaxed and have privacy. This will allow you to have a more open and honest conversation without any distractions or interruptions.
4. Use “I” statements
One common pitfall in conversations about sex is the use of “you” statements, which can come across as accusatory or blameful. For example, saying “You never satisfy me in bed” places the blame on the partner and can make them feel defensive or attacked. This can lead to a destructive conversation rather than a productive one.
Instead, it is recommended to use “I” statements, which focus on the speaker’s own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. For instance, saying “I feel unsatisfied in our sex life and I would like to discuss ways we can improve it together” takes responsibility for the speaker’s feelings and opens up the conversation for collaboration and problem-solving. This approach is more likely to result in a positive and productive conversation, as it demonstrates a willingness to work together and a recognition that both partners play a role in the sexual relationship.
5. Practice active listening
Effective communication involves not only speaking but also listening. When discussing sex with your partner, make sure to actively listen to what they have to say without interrupting or judging. Repeat back what you heard to ensure that you understood correctly, and ask clarifying questions if needed. This will show your partner that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and value their perspective.
Conclusion: Discussing sex with your partner may be the most awkward thing for you to do, but actually, it is one of the most prominent factors in a healthy relationship. Moving past the awkwardness in order to have a helpful conversation with one’s partner involves first recognizing and accepting one’s feelings, educating oneself, picking a right time and place, stating “I” statements, and listening. Always keep in your mind that communication is very vital in every relationship, and sex is just another topic open to candid discussion, which may help in building a more satisfying sexual relationship.
