Losing your virginity is a significant milestone in your life, and it’s normal to have questions and concerns. To help ease your worries, here are five essential things you should know before you have sex for the first time.
- Your virginity isn’t something you GIFT to someone
There’s a lot of toxic narration when it comes to female virginity. Many cultures around the world still hold the belief that female virginity is something extra valuable that should only be gifted to that special someone.
Hopefully, your first sex ever is with a super nice guy (or girl for that matter) who gives you a lot of attention and speaks sweet whatevers to your ears and that’s how you know they are the right one to win your virginity.
You know what? Stop thinking that because that is not true at all. Your virginity is not extra special nor should it be treated like a special gift for someone who treats you nicely.
So you shouldn’t feel obligated to gift anybody your virginity. Your virginity only means you have never had sex before and that’s seriously your business and yours alone.
According to Planned Parenthood, it is crucial to dispel common misconceptions surrounding virginity. Virginity is not solely determined by physical aspects, such as the presence or absence of the hymen. Instead, it encompasses the emotional and intimate experience of an individual’s first time engaging in sexual activity. Once this moment occurs, it cannot be reversed. It’s essential to recognize that virginity is not something to be “offered” or treated as a commodity but rather a personal experience that varies for each individual.
- Consider it a gain rather than a ‘loss’
The first time you have penetrative sex is described as losing your virginity, but when you really think about it, is it really a loss or is it actually a gain?
Honestly, you should adjust your mindset and consider it a gain because now you are experienced. When you think about losing your virginity, there is a sense of losing something important that you possess.
We think it’s a self-defeating mindset and therefore, it tends to cause a great deal of nervousness the first time you’re ‘losing’ it.
In our era today, if you want to have sex with someone you really like, go do it.
We are all empowered beings now and we can make our own decisions, so don’t be afraid of losing something important to you such as virginity.
Once you grow older and understand life more, you realise virginity is really nothing at all.
- When you lose it, you may bleed, you may not
The first time you have penetrative sex, you may bleed because of the friction between the penis and the vaginal walls.
Most people think you are sure to bleed the first time you have this experience, but this notion is misleading at best.
So misleading it’s actually even toxic because people use the presence (or lack thereof) of blood as a sign of virginity.
In reality, many other things that are absolutely unrelated to sex could tear (or break) your hymen, such as sports.
When your hymen breaks a little blood will come out of your vagina but it isn’t even that much blood in comparison to your regular menstruation.
Really, it’s not a big deal. Also, even if your hymen is still intact, the first time you have the sex you still may not bleed if your vagina is well lubricated.
As per Healthline Media, the structure of each hymen varies individually, resulting in different experiences for individuals. Some may encounter bleeding and pain, while others may not have any discomfort. The degree of pain or bleeding is mainly influenced by the thickness of the hymen, as a thicker hymen can lead to more pain if it tears. It’s worth noting that bleeding during first sexual intercourse occurs in approximately 43 percent of cases.
- You really need to take your time, like, really take it
Don’t think you should be able to have quick and steamy sex like you have seen in movies if it’s your first time. Men get hot a lot faster than women.
Some sex experts use the analogy of a microwave and a slow cooker. You’re the slow cooker. You do need to take your time to get to the same level of hotness that is already felt by your partner.
So, make sure you know this before having sex for the first time and make sure you guide your significant other so he can spend longer on the kissing and touching.
Females can’t be rushed, especially on their first try. Wouldn’t you like it better too if the whole experience is sensual and romantic? Your partner needs to take notice of this and do the best he can to tease and arouse you.
- Vaginal sex isn’t the only measure for losing it
Of course, a lot of people think that losing your virginity is only valid when a penis has been inserted into the vagina.
So… in a really weird way some girls may not allow their partners to insert their penis into the vagina, but they still have a sexy time anyway. But some people may disagree.
For some people who are more serious about this kind of thing, getting intimate itself is already a part of your growing up. Like, let’s think about it this way.
It’s all about the experience of being sexually intimate with another person.
As reported by Teen Vogue, the notion of virginity has historically been linked to a heteronormative perspective, suggesting that one loses their virginity only when a penis penetrates a vagina. However, this definition poses evident issues. By exclusively focusing on P-in-V activity as the determining factor for a change in virginity status, it disregards individuals for whom sex may not involve such actions. It’s essential to recognize that there are various forms of sexual activity that people engage in, and P-in-V intercourse is just one aspect of it.
You could have oral sex and just enjoy fingering and stop yourselves there, but although their penis has not been fully inserted into your vagina, what’s the difference?
Now you know the experience of sex and that’s it. Don’t overcomplicate it; you’re not a virgin anymore—you’re a big girl now. Congrats.
All in all, being aware of certain things is always best before losing your virginity. Understanding these five things can ensure an empowering and positive experience for your journey on this essential milestone. We are sure you can decide the best for yourself.
How Do You Know You Are Ready To Lose Your Virginity?
Losing one’s virginity is a significant milestone in a person’s life. It is a decision that should not be taken lightly as it can have a lasting impact on an individual’s physical, emotional, and social well-being. Therefore, it is crucial to be sure and ready before taking this step. But how do you know when you are truly ready to lose your virginity? In this paper, we will explore the factors that determine one’s readiness for this important decision.
The first and most important factor in determining one’s readiness to lose their virginity is the level of maturity. Maturity encompasses emotional, physical, and psychological aspects. One must be emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences that may arise after losing their virginity. This includes being able to handle any potential feelings of guilt, shame, or regret. It also means being able to communicate effectively with their partner and make informed decisions about their sexual health.
Physical maturity is also a crucial factor to consider. It is essential to understand that every individual’s body develops at a different pace, and there is no set age for when one is physically ready to have sex. However, a person should be physically developed enough to handle the physical aspects of sexual activity, such as the potential risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It is recommended to consult a healthcare provider to discuss these risks and how to prevent them.
Another important aspect of readiness is being mentally prepared. This means being comfortable with one’s body and sexuality. It is essential to be able to understand and express one’s desires, boundaries, and consent. This can be achieved through open and honest communication with oneself and one’s partner. If one feels pressured or uncomfortable, it may not be the right time to lose their virginity.
In addition to being mentally and physically prepared, it is crucial to have a supportive and understanding partner. A partner who respects and values one’s boundaries, makes informed decisions together, and prioritizes mutual pleasure and safety is essential for a positive and meaningful sexual experience. It is essential to have open and honest communication with one’s partner, and both parties must give explicit consent before engaging in sexual activity.
Apart from the individual’s readiness, external factors such as legal age and cultural or religious beliefs also play a significant role in deciding when one is ready to lose their virginity. It is essential to consider these factors and make informed decisions that align with one’s values and beliefs. It is crucial to understand that there is no right or wrong time to lose one’s virginity, and the decision should be entirely personal.
In conclusion, there is no specific checklist or age that determines one’s readiness to lose their virginity. It is a complex and personal decision that requires a combination of emotional, physical, and mental readiness. Being mature, informed, and having open and honest communication with oneself and one’s partner are crucial factors in making this decision. It is essential to take the time to assess one’s readiness and make a decision that feels right for oneself. Remember, losing one’s virginity is a significant step, and it should be taken with care, respect, and responsibility.
