Sex is such a natural, intimate thing that anybody of any age or class experiences. It may be deep in pleasure, full of meaning, but it is also full of a million thoughts and emotions that rocket through the brain. Whether you are on your first time or you are an experienced professional, there are certain thoughts that universally seem to come around during sex. Here are five thoughts that most people have had during sex at least once.
1. ‘Am I doing this right?’
One of the most common thoughts that people have during sex is whether they are performing the act correctly. This concern can encompass both the physical and emotional aspects of the experience. Are they hitting the right spots? Is their partner enjoying this? These questions often arise from a desire to please one’s partner and ensure mutual satisfaction. However, they can also stem from deeper insecurities and self-doubt, which may have roots in past experiences, societal expectations, or a lack of sexual education.
To combat these doubts and enhance sexual satisfaction, open communication with your partner is crucial. Discussing desires, boundaries, and preferences can help create a shared understanding of what feels good for both parties. In addition, self-exploration and learning about one’s own body can foster a stronger sense of self, making it easier to focus on personal pleasure and satisfaction during intercourse. Seeking out accurate sexual information and embracing the diversity of sexual preferences can also alleviate feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
2. ‘I hope I don’t make a weird noise.’
Another common thought during sex is the fear of making an embarrassing sound or experiencing an unexpected bodily function, such as a fart or queef. These worries can momentarily distract from the pleasure of the experience, causing feelings of self-consciousness and embarrassment. However, it is essential to recognize that such occurrences are a natural and normal part of sexual intimacy. They signal engagement and enjoyment, and are often perceived as arousing by one’s partner.
To overcome these concerns, individuals must reframe their perspective on the matter, viewing sex as a messy and unpredictable activity rather than a perfectly orchestrated performance. This mindset can help dispel the pressure to maintain an unrealistic standard of perfection. Additionally, developing self-acceptance and confidence in one’s body can help minimize embarrassment when unexpected noises or functions occur. Finally, fostering a healthy and open relationship with your partner, where these occurrences can be discussed and laughed off, can help alleviate feelings of shame and discomfort.
3. ‘What should I do with my hands?’
Sex often involves a lot of physical contact, and figuring out where to put your hands can be a challenge. You don’t want to be too grabby or too still, and you also want to make sure that your hands are doing something pleasurable for your partner. This thought can be especially prevalent during positions where your hands are not occupied, such as during oral sex or when your partner is on top. The key is to relax and go with the flow. Let your hands explore your partner’s body and follow their cues to see what they enjoy.
4. ‘I hope I don’t orgasm too quickly.’
For many people, the fear of orgasming too quickly is a constant concern during sex. This thought is often more prevalent in men, as they can experience a refractory period after orgasm where they are unable to maintain an erection. However, it can also be a concern for women who may feel pressure to orgasm quickly or to orgasm at all. The key here is to focus on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about the end result. If you do orgasm quickly, it’s not a failure and you can always continue pleasuring your partner in other ways.
5. ‘I wonder what I look like right now.’
During sex, our bodies can contort into all sorts of positions, and it’s natural to wonder what we look like to our partner. This thought can be especially prevalent for those with body image issues or insecurities. However, it’s important to remember that your partner is likely too caught up in the moment to be analyzing your every move. They are more likely to be focused on the pleasure and connection they are experiencing with you. Instead of worrying about how you look, try to focus on the sensations and emotions you are experiencing.
In the final analysis, sex is a very complicated and individual experience that can breed a thousand thoughts and emotions. Whether it is performance anxiety or body image, or perhaps merely knowing where to place your hands, such thoughts during the sexual act are fairly normal. The trick is to learn how to communicate with your partner the best way, forget your insecurities, and stay focused on the pleasure and connection shared in that moment. There’s no right way to have sex, as long as the act is consensual and pleasing to both parties.
